A Titanicly Misty SplAsh
by Dragoness
Summary: Dragoness got a very unusual surge of inspiration on Monday and this is what came out of it. It is unlike ANYTHING she has ever written before, so be warned...And yes, it's a Titanic crossover...Insanity Alert


A/N: Yeah, the title's lame, but the lameness is what makes it a great title for this…"fic." THIS IS A SPOOF. Ash and Misty take on the roles of Jack and Rose, and end up seriously ruining the dramatic "OMG, JACK IS DYING!" scene. I could've tried spoofing the whole movie, but it's a damn long movie and I don't really feel like watching it again, and plus I've got finals to study for so I'm just getting this out of my head while it's still fresh. Maybe over Christmas break I'll do more scenes, but we'll have to see…Oh, and it's written in script form cuz um…well it's a spoof so who cares? *^_^*;;

I think it would be fair to warn you that this is unlike anything I have ever written before…If you find that hard to believe…just you wait…This is not for little kids!…On the other hand…If you've actually seen the movie "Titanic" then there shouldn't be anything in here you can't handle…Heheh…I blame everything un-me like on the marching band people I hang around with at school…*^_^*;;

_We open in a room that looks very much like the editing room of a movie studio. Film rolls are scattered all over the shelves, tables, with the majority on the floor. In the midst of it all sits a tiny yellow rodent armed with scissors, editing glue and pieces of film. It turns to the camera and grins wickedly…_

Pikachu: Pika, pika. Pikapi ka Pikachupi, kachuu "PIIIIKAAAAA!!" pikapika! Pi, pika CHU pikapika! PI-I-I-I-I-I-I-IIII!!!  _(Translation: It is done! Now the world will finally see the "OMG, JACK IS DYING!!" scene the way it was meant to be seen!! James Cameron's got NOTHING on me! AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!)_

_With an insane laugh, the rodent takes its roll of film and hops up to a table where a movie camera has been conviniently placed. It rips out what was there before, a movie entitled something stupid like "Titanic" or something, and replaces it with its own movie. It flicks on the switch and the movie shines onto a white screen on the wall. The mouse gives us one last cheeky grin before hopping on the floor to watch._

*************************A **Titanic**ly **Misty** Spl**Ash*************************  
**(or why you don't let a couple of crazy, hormonal teenagers star in a "serious" movie)

_The grand and noble ship, the _Titanic_, has just gone under, leaving thousands of innocent cruisers helpless in the freezing cold waters of the Atlantic. A lucky few were able to make it onto the limited supply of lifeboats, but not all were so lucky. Our heroes, Jack and Rose, have found a floating piece of whatnot where they may be safe from the frigid waters until help arrives…_

*cut to Ash and Misty and the floating board type thingy; they're both struggling to stay on the board, but it's obvious it won't be able to support both their weight*

Misty: *mournfully* Jack! We can't both stay on here! What are we going to do?

Ash: Um…I guess I'll have to do the gen…tle…man…ly…Did I get that right?

Misty: *nods*

Ash: Okay! *grins* I'll guess I'll have to do the gen-tle-man-ly (a/n: that's a hard word to say alright? *^_^*;;) thing and let you have the board and I'll get in the water…*starts to slip in*

Misty: Oh, Jack! That's so kind of you! But-

Ash: HOLY SHIT THAT WATER'S COLD! *jumps back on the board, splashing Misty with the water and tipping the board considerably*

Misty: *really pissed* ASH!!! You're supposed to stay in the water!!

Ash: Are you insane!? I'll freeze to death in there!

Misty: *growls* Get back in there, you're ruining the scene! *shoves him back in the water*

Ash: Wa! *falls in over his head, then shoots back out, obviously very cold and very ticked* No way!! *he crawls back onto the board and glares at Misty* Why do the GUYS always have to die anyway!?……Why do _I_ always have to die!? Why don't you go die for a change!?? *shoves her in the water*

Misty: *splashes in and comes up sputtering* ASH!!! *crawls back onto the board, where Ash is chuckling* It's not funny you…you…JACK/ASH!!!!

Ash: HEY!!!!

Misty: *pushes him in the water again* The script says YOU'RE the one who's supposed to die!!!

Ash: Yeah, well I'm sick of it! *gets back on the board* I'm calling my agent! *reaches into his pocket and takes out a cell phone*

Misty: *facefaults* We're supposed to be in the year 1912!! They didn't have cell phones back then!

Ash: *ignores her and rapidly taps the buttons while sparks crackle from it, after a while, anime tears run down his cheeks* Nooo!!! It's broken!

Misty: Probably because you drowned it…Speaking of which…*pushes him off the board…again* YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DROWN IN THIS SCENE, NOW HURRY UP AND DIE!!

Ash: *coughs and throws the phone at her, hitting her squarely in the head* Why don't you!!?

Misty: OW! *rubs her head where a red bump is swelling, glares at him, then glances at the phone; picks it up and hurls it back at Ash, hitting him in the head. The phone bounces off and plops into the water, where it sinks to its doom*

Ash: Oww!! Why you-!! *climbs back onto the board and tackles her, tilting the board a lot, letting water wash over the both of them, finally pins her on her back. They stare each other down while the board sinks little by little. Eventually a change crosses Ash's face*…Hey, I have an idea to keep us both warm…

Misty: *looks curious* What's that?

Ash: *leans in a whispers mischievously* We could have some more hot sex until someone comes and rescues us…

Misty: *eyes widen. She slaps him* Hentai!! And what exactly are we gonna say when someone comes to rescue us!?

Ash: *shrugs* Same thing I just told you. We have to keep warm _somehow_…*grins*

Misty: *skeptically*…So your idea of staying warm is to get naked in below freezing temperature?

Ash: *defensively* Hey, after that there's nothing freezing about it!

Misty: *smiles sweetly* Too bad your manly parts will have frozen and broken off by the time we get to that…

Ash: *blanks*

Misty: *giggles and kisses him quick on the lips* Any better ideas, Mr. Hottie?

Ash: *still thinking about what she said before* …that…would not be good…

Misty: *laughs and shoves him off of her and back in the water. The board immediately floats higher* Then you'd better stick to the script!

Ash: Wah! *sputter and shivers* Hey!! Y'know, if I stay here they're gonna freeze off anyway!

Misty: *sits up and nods thoughtfully* Mm-hmm…*flashes a peace sign and winks* But at least _I'll_ live!

Ash: *growls and pulls himself back onto the board* Oh no you won't! If I go down, I'm taking you with me! *tackles her and this time they both fall off. By the time they surface, the board's floated away*

Misty: *gasps* Hey!!! *glares daggers at Ash* You Jack/Ash! Now look what you've done!!

Ash: Uhh…Oops?

Misty: *grabs him in a headlock* I'll make you pay for that you inconsiderate little J-!

Ash: Waah! *struggles free and attacks her with a kiss* Misty, it's freezing in here. At the very least, can't we both die a happy death?

Misty: *blinks at him* Um…*shrugs and smiles* I guess you've got a point. (a/n: WA! Unintentional pun, I SWEAR! I didn't notice that until i came back for proofreading *o.O*;;)

_So the twerps went on to do unspeakable things in the bitterly cold waters, creating quite a heatwave actually until they both finally just plain died. And so their hearts went on and on and on and on and on and on and on and…_

**************The Afterlife**************

Misty's Ghost: Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! Waitasecond here! I just thought of something!

Ash's Ghost: What's that?

Misty's Ghost: If I _died_, then who was that who was in the opening scene??

Ash's Ghost: Ummmm……Your stand in?

Misty's Ghost: That's crazy! Who could possibly stand in for ME!?

Ash's Ghost: Umm…*picks up a copy of the credits* Some lady named…Gloria Stuart…

Misty's Ghost: What!? That's crazy!

Ash's Ghost: *reads further*…Whoa…

Misty's Ghost: "Whoa"? "Whoa" what?

Ash's Ghost: Check this out…It says the role of Rose is being played by some chick by the name of Kate Winslet…

Misty's Ghost: *shrieks* WHAT!?? _I'M_ PLAYING THE ROLE OF ROSE!!!!

Ash's Ghost: *blinks and reads more* The role of Jack is played by someone named Leonardo DiCaprio…Weird name…Who's he…? *blinks*……HEY WAITASECOND! I'M SUPPOSED TO BE JACK!

Misty's Ghost: Yeah!! If you're not Jack then what'll happen to my Jack/Ash pun!?

Ash's Ghost: ……You know, that's really not that funny…

Misty's Ghost: Yes it is.

Ash's Ghost: …No it's not.

Misty's Ghost: Yes it is.

Ash's Ghost: No it's not!

Misty's Ghost: It is!

Ash's Ghost: Is not!

Misty's Ghost: Is too!

Ash's Ghost: Is not!!

Misty's Ghost: Is--!!!! ………*whispers*…Jack/Ash…

Ash's Ghost: *throws the credits down* Alright that's it! No more hot sex for you!

Misty's Ghost: Oh poo. Like it was really so great with your dick frozen off anyway.

Ash's Ghost: HEY!! That's my own business…

Misty's Ghost: *sticks her tongue out*

Ash's Ghost: *licks it* You're forgetting something…

Misty's Ghost: *stares at him* What's that…?

Ash's Ghost: We're dead. It doesn't matter what the hell happened to my dick on Earth. I still have it here…

Misty's Ghost: Oooh…

******************CUT FOR VIRGIN EYES******************

*********CREDITS*********

**Cast  
**(in order of appearance)

**Narrator**/Narrator  
**PIKACHU**/PIKACHU  
**Rose**/Misty  
&  
**Jack**/Ash

**Crew  
**(in order of convenience)

**Director  
**Pikachu

**Writer  
**Addy Libb*****

**Producer  
**Pikachu

**Co-Producer  
**Dragoness

**Cinematography  
**Pikachu

**Music  
**Pikachu Records**

**Production Design  
**Pikachu

**Costume Design  
**Misty

**Pokémon Translations  
**Ash

**FILM EDITING  
**PIKACHU

**Lighting Effects  
**Pikachu

**Cold Water Effects  
**Lapras

**Afterlife Effects  
**Haunter

**Crazy Hormone Effects  
**Ash & Misty

**Floating Board Type Thingy  
**Floating Board Type Thingy

*That's actually a real company, but no, they didn't really do the music…(obviously! There IS no music!)  
**Original Writer: Dragoness; was fired from that position when Addy Libb took over with a better script (a/n: *cries*)

**Disclaimer:  
**Pikachu does not own the rights to sell and distribute what he found on the cutting room floor of the movie "Titanic", nor does he own the rights to Ash and Misty, though he does own the rights to himself and will zap anyone who says otherwise into oblivion.

**No anime characters were harmed in the making of this short.  
**(but don't worry, we _did_ sink the Titanic! …What, you think it was really an ice_berg_? Hell no! It was an Ice _Beam_! Right Lapras?)  
Lapras: Laala! _(Translation: That's right!)_

**********************Back In the Editing Room**********************

_The film flickers to a stop and the light is replaced by a blank screen once again. Pikachu returns to the table to retrieve his masterpiece. As he is lifting it out of the camera, two previously unseen figures stand up and applaud._

Ash: That was great! The best movie I've seen in a long time!

Misty: *smiles* Yeah…Hey…Did Lapras really sink the Titanic?

Pikachu: Pika! _(Translation: Yep!)_

Ash: *laughs* And the rest of the disclaimer is true too!…Everything still works fine…Right Mist? *winks at her*

Misty: *turns red and pushes him away playfully* Jack/Ash…

*camera fadeout…*

**THE END**


End file.
